The Triangle Took Shape (Part 2)

I came home from Florida and got back into my routine. I was counting down the days until I could see him again, until my youngest came home, and until I got to go to Missouri to see my oldest graduate from his Army Engineer’s training.

I didn’t get to see Triangle for a few days after our blissful week in Florida together. I tried to keep myself busy preparing for everything else that was coming up. I was also waiting for clearance to go back to work following my surgery. My recovery was not going as swiftly as expected due to complications, but I expected to be released back to work within a week or so.

Triangle wasn’t able to come see me as often. Our visits were cut back dramatically. I didn’t want to face the truth. I wasn’t ready. So, I believed whatever he told me and tried really hard to make it make sense in my head.

Then, everything happened at once. My landlord informed me she was terminating my lease. I had to find somewhere to go, quickly. His lease was coming up as well. I told him we could look for a place together since the timing was working out so well. I was looking for a larger home than I needed. He wasn’t.

All of the sudden things weren’t right for him to move. He had to sign another lease with her because of blah, blah, blah. The excuses were plentiful. It was getting harder to even try to believe the lies. I wasn’t ready to stop seeing him, though.

I had plenty to keep me busy. I had to find a home for me and my boys and pack up the entire house. I was in immense pain. Emotionally, and physically.

He had to go back to Florida for another week. We still talked and typically “saw” each other every night, thanks to technology. I went to visit a friend one night, to get my mind off of things. Triangle had already said goodnight, as he was three hours ahead of me. As my friend and I were catching up, I got a text from an unsaved number I didn’t recognize.

HER: I just need to know if you have a thing going on with my boyfriend, “Triangle.”

ME: That seems like a question you should ask your so-called boyfriend. Please leave me out of your relationship bullshit.

HER: I did and he said no, so I’m fucking asking you. Obviously you’re texting him, emailing him, and calling him.

ME: I can’t email, text, and call myself. I’m going to ask you politely one more time, to please leave me the fuck out of your relationship bullshit.

HER: FYI, using the F word isn’t polite

ME: Bitch, how old are you? 1. I asked politely the first time. 2. This is my fucking phone so if you don’t like the way I fucking talk you can get the fuck off my fucking phone. 3. I am NOT Dr. Phil. Leave me out of your relationship bullshit. 4. You coming to me shows no love, respect, trust, or loyalty to your relationship.

HER: Thank you for your input. Have a great night.

Sidenote – looking back, I’m not necessarily proud of that entire exchange. I could have definitely handled myself better, while still getting the message across that she needed to talk to him, not me.

I took a screenshot of the entire conversation and sent it to him, with a message: Take care of your home. This bitch should NOT be on MY phone. Again, looking back, I could have handled that differently as well.

He called me when he woke up. I asked if he had seen his messages. He said no. I told him he might want to check them. It was silent for a few minutes while he got caught up on the shenanigans.

He shared that she had tried to call him quite a few times the night before and sent several messages like, “Baby, call me please.” He said he called me as soon as he woke up and hadn’t even talked to her yet.

His other comment set me back a little bit. He said, “well, you both handled that better than I expected.” I couldn’t quite wrap my head around all of that at the moment. I was hurt. But I was also upset.

I didn’t want any part of any conversation with her. He needed to handle that. The way I look at relationships and sticky situations like this, is that they have a relationship. Him and I have a relationship. Her and I have nothing to discuss. We can both continue to take part in our dealings with him or not, but we owe each other nothing.

I didn’t always think this way. Many years ago, I thought cheating was the worst thing ever. I didn’t want any part in it, no matter the role. I had the fairytale misconception that most people were monogamous and that was incredibly important to me.

I had been cheated on. A few times. My mother asked how I could be “the other woman” when I knew what it was like on the other side of that. I explained my new way of thinking. I believe I have an obligation to my friends, and to any lover that I take on. I do not have an obligation to someone else’s relationship.

Typically, that other person isn’t being honest with either of the people they are involved with. Sometimes they are. Either way, everyone plays their part. Please understand, I’m not condoning cheating. I just see relationships differently.

For one thing, I don’t believe cheating is the actual problem in most relationships. It’s easy to blame that, because we all understand it. However, in every single situation I’ve ever experienced, known about, or heard about – there were far deeper issues with the individuals and the relationship, than simply cheating.

There are typically several other issues. Perhaps one or both people are bending and compromising themselves – who they truly are – to be in the relationship. Typically, one or both of the people involved aren’t in the personal place of being in a relationship. They haven’t dealt with internal issues. They might not want to be alone. They might be looking for hope or happiness in each other. They might require more emotional support than any single person could give them, because they actually need to heal themselves. They just aren’t happy. All of those are self issues.

Back to Triangle, I was hurt. I did feel betrayed. That series of text messages let me know that he wasn’t being completely forthcoming with me about their situation. Even though I already knew that, deep down inside.

I didn’t walk away though. I still clung to hope. I wanted him to want me. I saw such a glorious future together. I saw potential with us. When we were together, I forgot about my problems. I enjoyed just being with him.

Something inside shifted, though. Even though I wasn’t willing to admit it to myself, I knew. Our days together were numbered. I had accepted my role in the Triangle.