Personal Power

A few months ago I spent some time with my oldest son and daughter-in-love in Virginia. We went to see The Woman King. I didn’t really have a strong inclination to watch it at first, but I’m certainly glad I did. (Side note – I don’t watch a lot of movies. It wasn’t about the particular movie.)

One of the character’s, Izogie, said something to her younger counterpart during the movie that stuck with me. She told Nawi, the young girl she was training to be Agojie, a woman warrior:

“You are powerful. More than you even know. Do not give your power away.” ~Izogie in The Woman King

The statement was made in relation to the young woman’s interest in a man. The Agojie were not to mingle with men, as their family was each other and romance would cloud their judgment and get in the way of their fighting. But it was deeper than that.

That line has stuck with me for months now. I believe that every young lady should hear that, and take some time to truly understand it. And keep hearing it.

In modern day America, most young women are still conditioned and taught (even if indirectly) that we should be “worthy” of a good man or that we aren’t whole by ourselves. I disagree. We are whole by ourselves. Without a partner. We don’t need anyone else to help define us, for we are the definition of ourselves.

Speaking from my personal experiences, I was never directly told any such thing. However, it has been insinuated that to be “successful” you must have a spouse, children, home, etc. You know, the “American” dream.

A friend recently even made a comment to the effect that something would be acceptable if I had a partner. But since I’m single, my thoughts on the subject were irrelevant. The topic didn’t even have anything to do with relationships. It caught me by surprise to say the least.

I have been able to discover who I am and learn to truly and unconditionally love myself – by myself. Having a partner during that time would have most likely distracted me from my own opinion about myself.

I no longer think I need a partner to be successful. I’m actually succeeding at several things, and I’m quite happy doing it alone. Please don’t misunderstand, there is nothing wrong with having a partner. It can be a beautiful thing if both people know and love themselves by themselves, and truly add to each others’ existence.

However, I think that scenario is far less common than people coming together because they feel like they need someone else to validate or complete them.

I’m not a “bitter” single woman by any means. Quite contrary, I’m open to the possibility of a partnership, but it would have to be a spectacular situation. I’m definitely in no hurry to force a committed relationship. If it happens naturally and makes sense for both of us, I’m game.

I don’t think young women realize how powerful and beautiful they are – on their own. In addition, the lesson of not giving your power away is beyond necessary and vital. Too many women, especially young women, find themselves in situations where they don’t feel like they have a voice or that their desires, dreams, wishes, or even their opinions matter.

They don’t even realize it’s happening. When I was going through it, I didn’t. I just wanted to be supportive and encouraging and nurturing. All of my attention went to building my partners dreams and I forgot that I had my own.

I was making decisions to position myself to be available any time he might need (or desire) me. Later, I realized I turned down invitations from friends and family and dismissed a lot of opportunities because it might mean less time with him.

Back to the quote. Part of your power is your right and ability to choose. Please always choose yourself above any situation, person, or relationship. Your well-being and happiness is far too important to place it in someone else’s hands.

It’s hard to truly convey how important self-love and self-discovery are. Especially for young people when relationships and the affection of someone else is so heavily pushed in our society. Centuries ago it made more sense for people to couple up and have children younger because of a lower life expectancy and the need to have more helping hands to support a family. That way of thinking, like many things, is outdated and should be re-examined, in my opinion.

Because it’s worth repeating…

“You are powerful. More than you even know. Do not give your power away.” ~Izogie in The Woman King