Life Changes (Part Two)

A few weeks ago I shared about some losses I’ve experienced in my life due to the natural cycle of life (and death). Today I’m going to share about other losses outside of death. For example, friendships coming to an end, family members not speaking, old jobs, or other situations. Basically, the changes in life.

Most of us experience several changes in relationships – from family to friends to romantic interests – over our lifetime. I believe there are countless reasons these relationships change, but they all boil down to the same basic thing.

One or both parties involved grows, and the other doesn’t; or they grow in another way.

Sure, there are several actual things that can happen. But I believe most can be summed up in that one sentence. Sometimes people aren’t really who they present themselves to be or who we see them as, while others seek out other people to use. Romantic relationships might include a person being unfaithful or unsupportive.

At the root of all of those situations, someone had to grow to want to move on from the relationship. Sometimes it’s both parties.

I’ve had my fair share. Some have accused me of changing. I don’t see it that way. Actually, I have grown, which is change, but I am still the basic person at my core. For as long as I can remember I have been a loyal, loving, nurturing, giving person. (I do have flaws, though.) However, I have evolved to see myself in new ways and created boundaries because some of the behavior I tolerated before was not being loving to myself.

Whether these relationships had run their course and needed to come to an end or not, they hurt. I recently had a friendship end that I considered that person to be one of my closest friends at one time.

Through a series of different events, I realized we were never as close as I thought we were. In fact, I found out several things that person has said about me, which showed me that those negative feelings towards me were nothing new.

On one hand, I had to grieve for the friendship I thought we had. On another hand, I realize I never received anywhere near what I put into that situation. Therefore, it was definitely time to let that go and move on.

The following quote comes to mind, “Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.” (I’ve seen this credited to a few people, so I’m not sure who deserves the credit.)

People who genuinely love you and support you are like food for your soul. That doesn’t mean they don’t call you out on your crap, but that they are willing to do so with love and stand by you as you make adjustments if you choose to do so.

Those who merely tolerate you to use you for whatever is in their benefit are not going to breathe life into you when you need it. That’s just not how those people typically are.

Yet they all serve a purpose. Without “friends” who used me or turned on me, I wouldn’t know how to fully appreciate those who are by my side. And without those experiences, I might not have grown to love and trust myself the way I do.

Who knows, I might not have grown into the woman I am at all. Most certainly I wouldn’t have learned to watch how people treat themselves and those they love most in relation to how they will certainly treat me.

My biggest lessons have been to let it hurt. Feel it. Grieve for those losses just as I would any other loss, such as death. These losses can add a component of hurt or shock to the ego as well. It’s important to get past that and realize that some people, jobs, things, etc. just aren’t meant to be in our lives anymore.

At the end of the day, I have some positive memories with a lot of people who held a place in my heart and life at one time or another. I’m grateful for all of it. To this day, I want to see all of them eat well. Just not at my table!

So far, things have always gotten better in my life, even after one of these perceived “losses,” even if they do hurt for a while first.