Happiness or Monogamy? (Part 2)

To give more background on the topic of happiness vs monogamy, I’ll take you back to a conversation I had a few years back. A friend and I were discussing cheating, in particular my history of being cheated on.

He told me to imagine that I was eighty years old, sitting in my rocking chair on my front porch with my husband of fifty plus years. I had a healthy and happy marriage, with all of my needs and most of my wants being met throughout this hypothetical relationship.

Then my dear beloved husband informs me that he had cheated on me throughout all or most of our relationship. My friend asked me what would I do?

I answered immediately, “Leave him!” Then I ranted about what a no-good man he must have been.

I had missed the point at the time, because I was so stuck on my perspective that cheating is just not something I will tolerate or be okay with. Monogamy was the most important thing to me in a relationship.

Over the years, with several hours worth of conversations with the same friend and even more situationships that went nowhere, I have come to see that scenario differently. One of the questions my friend asked that helped me along the way was, “If you were completely happy that whole time, why did that admission change all of that?”

That question left me perplexed. I couldn’t actually answer it, because I didn’t know. I mean,  yes, my hypothetical husband lied to me and broke a promise he made. But if I was happy and received all that I needed in our situation, was that really that major? (Provided that he didn’t jeopardize my health, of course.)

Again, I’m NOT condoning cheating. Just saying that some things are more important. I still ask myself if I’d be okay with that situation now. I would still feel hurt and betrayed, but would I stay? Would I go? After fifty years of marriage I think I’d be more pissed off that he told me after all that time just to ease his own guilt. I could’ve went on not knowing since I never knew to begin with.

What would you do?

I’ve already shared that I have concluded that happiness is far more important to me than monogamy, though I’m still not convinced someone (including myself) has to necessarily choose between the two. I believe they can co-exist, even if that’s a rare situation.

I also realize that I require a certain amount of attention. So far, no one has come close to being consistent with that. So entering into a “committed relationship” seems like it would be setting us both up for failure. Why would I do that?

Another question that has come up frequently is what is the benefit for a self-sufficient man of being involved in a committed relationship. After much consideration, I’d pose the same question for a self-sufficient woman.

Let’s get all the normal stuff out of the way.

Companionship – I have friends, family, acquaintances, etc. for that. It doesn’t have to come from a significant other.

Financial comfort – Key words: SELF-SUFFICIENT. Yes, a TEAM/PARTNERSHIP would be great. But it’s a bonus, not a need.

Intimacy – You don’t need an exclusively committed relationship for that. Trust me. 😉

So, what are the other benefits? I am open to learning this, because I see responsibilities that don’t make sense if the rewards are not equally compelling.

Please share your thoughts, experiences, questions, opinion, etc. so I can continue to evolve and grow as I form my perspective and explore this further.