Family Roles

It’s been quite a year for the elders on my mother’s side of the family, which consists of my Aunt (71 years old) and my Mother (63 years old). It’s sobering to realize that this huge family I was born into (on both sides of my family) has dwindled so very much during my lifetime. I am among the second oldest generation on both sides, with three elders on my Father’s side in their early 60’s and late 50’s. I’m not particularly close to those relatives at this point in my life.

As for my Aunt and my Mom, I am extremely close. They are two of the strongest women I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. Their bond is beautiful to behold, and I seem to think I’m a better woman for knowing them both. They’ve both had quite a bit of health issues this year, leaving me and my closest cousin (like a sister) to make decisions and face certain realities.

I went to Oklahoma unexpectedly recently because my Aunt had (at least one) stroke that left her unable to communicate. She has already had several blockages and stents put in over the past year and has been struggling with a few different health issues. It was looking rather bleak. My cousin was a bit beside herself, so I went. To be there for my Aunt. To be there for my cousin. And to represent my Mother since she’s not healthy enough to travel, still.

I always enjoy visiting with my family, and we made the best of spending that time together. Not to mention my Aunt has been improving daily. She’s able to say a few words and is getting stronger. (She always had “that look” even when she couldn’t verbally communicate. We always know when she’s serious and/or displeased.)

All of this has made me realize that at the age of 42 I’m nearly among the elders in my family. It also makes me realize how “young” my father was when he passed at 45. I realize I’m no spring chicken, but I’m also fairly young for the role of a family elder. Of course I will do my best to fill any role my family needs me for, but it’s strange.

I realized that I’m technically considered middle-aged at this point as well. That was an incredibly staggering realization. There’s a responsibility that comes with all of this. I guess it’s kind of like the responsibility of becoming a parent for the first time. You don’t really know what to do or that you’re ready, but you do the best you can and figure it out along the way. That’s where I am with this next phase of my life.

It’s been eye-opening to watch 3 of the strongest women I know go through all of this so suddenly. Perhaps it’s even a bit of a revelation to realize that I am right here with all of them, holding up my part as well.

I have always been one to make light of situations when I can to make the people around me smile and laugh. I try to see things on the positive side, and share that viewpoint when I think it’s warranted. I’m starting to notice that there are people in my life who look to me for that encouragement and counsel.

It’s inspiring and an honor, though it’s also terrifying that I’ll somehow mess it up. When I start to feel that way, I step back and touch base with my thoughts and beliefs and do what I need to do to calm myself. Then I step back out and do and say what I am compelled to in the best way I know how.

If I know nothing else, I know that I can rest easy with the knowledge that I know my intentions and I know my heart. I am blessed to call these women my family and to take their lessons and the examples they’ve set to carry on. I do hope that I do them justice.