Dating…Or Nah?

I’ve openly shared some of my relationship woes, and even more of my almost or would-be relationship woes. The dating pool is definitely a lot different in my forties than it was in my late teens, or even early thirties. Or, maybe it really isn’t different at all, I just see past some of the pretty wrapping. Perhaps, perhaps not.

For the last five years or so I’ve been telling my girlfriends, “This year, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna join a dating site and really be open to a relationship.”

Then I met someone randomly and tried to date them, or I watched things happen in my friends’ relationships and decided I’d rather stay single. Well, single-ish. Throughout the years I’ve maintained a friend or two here and there to satisfy certain needs, just not what most would consider a committed relationship.

Well, last month it happened. My best friend and I were on an eight hour drive to her son’s event. We were talking about relationships, theories, dating, etc. Somehow we got into the conversation of what my non-negotiables are.

One is a man who definitely wants children. I’m not able to do that, physically. Plus, I’m 43 and I’ve settled into a lifestyle of not being responsible for little humans. (Outside of my special time with the kids I get to watch, hang out with, etc – then give them back to their parents.) 

Another non-negotiable for me is poor hygiene. There is no reason for someone at this point in life not to be able to take care of themselves hygienically. (Outside of disabilities or other issues, which is not what I’m talking about.)

A friend of ours had told us about a dating site she was on that women had to initiate the conversation (between heterosexual pairings). She said it was nicer than others because you don’t randomly get *eggplant* pics or a bunch of guys flooding your inbox just trying to be nasty.

I told Britt when I returned from my next trip I’d finally create a profile. (She was encouraging the shenanigans so she could enjoy my swiping process.)

She looked at me and said, “We aren’t doing anything after dinner tonight. Racing doesn’t start until tomorrow.”

I shook my head. “You just don’t want me to back out again, huh?”

She laughed.

So, now I have a profile on a dating site. It was entertaining for a few days. Some people are pretty interesting. I’ve been blocked from men who “liked” my profile first because I believe life should be enjoyed, not just full of chores and work. And because I used one of the app’s pre-written questions to open dialogue. 

There have been several that have blocked me because of things like that. I have started to talk to a handful of guys who seem like there might be some potential to at least meet in person. We’ll see.

I’m sure I’m the girl in some of their stories with random silly comments or “ghosting.” For example, one guy decided to go all X-rated about 10 exchanges in, out of nowhere. I responded and told him we are clearly on two different pages, so good luck. He messaged me several times saying it was a joke and he knows I’m not that sensitive.

I can be sensitive. However, at this point in my life I’m open to a respectful interaction. Not some guy nearly 10 years younger than me telling me he’d like to c*m in my mouth.

Oh, let’s talk about age. “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” That’s fine. It’s accurate. But it’s also non-negotiable for me. I refuse to talk to or deal with or date a man who is more than 10 years younger than me. Honestly, more like 7, but I set my limits to 10 to be a little more open-minded.

It’s a personal hang up of mine. The age limit for men older than me is a much wider gap. I just can’t get past the thought of someone being closer to my kids’ ages than mine. It’s just weird to me.

When I first pushed the button to make my profile live, there were about 15 people who swiped on me in the first few minutes. More than half were under 25. I ended up having to pay for the services so that I could limit the age of people I’d see.

Since I was in Reno that weekend, it showed me potential matches in Reno and the surrounding cities up to 100 miles away. In less than 36 hours there were no matches available for me to see.

The app told me I should consider lowering my criteria. It’s hilarious, and sad. Why should I “lower my standards”? (Trust me, they aren’t that high.)

Anyway, we’ll see where this adventure leads, if anywhere.

Have you ever been on one of those apps? If so, any luck?

To be fair, my mom and stepfather met on Match.com in the 90’s. They just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary a couple of months ago. My son and his wife met on a dating app, as well. They just celebrated their 3rd wedding anniversary.

Perhaps I’ll meet someone worth sharing about; perhaps not. Either way, I’m sure there will be a story or two I can share to keep y’all entertained.