Climbing Toward Youth

Health is incredibly important, as it dictates the kind of life we can live, and touches every aspect of our lives. I have struggled for as long as I can remember with my weight, health, and resulting body image and self-esteem. 

While my weight has fluctuated over the years, I have been overweight and/or obese for most of my adult life, which now represents over half of my life thus far. I weighed 145 pounds when I was eighteen, and got as high as 280 pounds in my late twenties, which is a lot since I stand 5’6”. That scared the crap out of me. I was able to quickly shed twenty pounds, but hovered between 230 and 260 pounds throughout most of my thirties. 

As I was creeping up on forty I realized my life would be uncomfortable, painful, and possibly even stifled if I didn’t make a major change. It hurt to get out of bed every day. I found that I couldn’t easily do the things I enjoyed, like playing with the kids, exploring nature, and I was too heavy to do things I always dreamed of doing, such as skydiving. That crushed my spirit.

In addition, I was facing some major health issues. I was pre-diabetic and having issues with my respiratory system, cardiac system, circulatory system, and more. I knew I had kidney tumors. I was not aware of the liver lesions. If I wanted to live more than a few years, major changes were necessary. My lifestyle was not conducive to being healthy.

Let me interrupt this to share a completely irrational thought that I held onto for most of my life. I just knew that I would die when I was forty-five. I knew this because my grandmother and father both died at forty-five. Of the same thing. Kidney tumors and brain tumors which led to cancer in both, and throughout the body. My health seemed to follow theirs. I’ve suffered with chronic, massive migraines for as long as I could remember. I’ve had kidney issues since I was eighteen. It seemed inevitable.

With my thirty-ninth birthday approaching, I realized I didn’t want to make it six more years feeling the way that I felt. I talked to a close friend about these feelings and frustrations. I decided to try out his suggestions. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

I made a few major changes, such as juicing for thirty days. To make things slightly easier on myself, I isolated myself. I didn’t socialize as much, except with my accountability partner. I didn’t openly discuss my changes, yet. I knew it would be beneficial to not tempt myself or open myself up to the criticism of those closest to me, even if they meant well.

Even after the thirty days of consuming only freshly made vegetable juice, I cut out alcohol and simple carbs (breads and pastas), severely limited dairy, and stopped eating meat. I studied how nutrition affects our bodies, minds, and everything else. The pounds and inches melted off. I felt better than I had in years. My mental clarity, physical abilities, and overall health improved drastically. It was a complete turnaround. I felt better than I ever remember feeling. Nearly all of my medical issues had disappeared or minimized. My doctor actually told me she wished all of her patients’ blood work looked like mine. I’ve never been told that before. I lost over forty pounds and shed several inches in less than four months. Just by changing my diet.

I got comfortable. I started socializing again. I started eating out a bit more. I did re-introduce seafood into my diet occasionally. I began indulging in bread and pasta again. Only sparingly at first. I started to consume dairy and sweets again, also sparingly at first. I gained about ten pounds over the course of several months, but I still felt great, so I wasn’t so worried. Although, I never reached my ideal weight. (Please note: my ideal weight is not a number set by “experts” or myself. I have an idea of where I will be comfortable, but I will let my body tell me when I get to where I should be.) I was about to start kickboxing and really amping up my physical activity to improve my strength and just move my body.

Then I was hit by an impaired driver. The holidays happened. A cruise happened. My 40th birthday happened. I looked up and realized I had gained another ten pounds over just a couple of months. I wasn’t able to be active due to the injuries from the accident, which I’m still working through now. I haven’t been able to ride my motorcycles, jump off of a building for my birthday, start kickboxing, or a number of other things I planned to do. 

The pain and devastation has led me to find laziness and comfort in my old ways. My boys were very sweet to offer me food every time they ordered out, which is nearly daily. Not to mention the entire world seeming to go crazy.

And now, I’m nearly back to the point I had reached previously when I decided to make a change, with a feeling that’s at least ten times worse. Prior to my initial evolution, I was ignorant of the health and nutrition ties. And that old saying “ignorance is bliss” is true. Now, I’m not. I have the education and firsthand experience to know what would help me. I have chosen not to love myself enough to feed my body the nutrients it needs to sustain at an optimal level.

Knowing that I have absolutely no one and nothing to blame for this, other than self, is heartbreaking. I now have the education and firsthand experience to realize that genetics is not my enemy. My habits and choices are. I have committed to myself to love myself better. I have made a list of goals and actions to accomplish those goals. I am reigniting the burning desire within myself to love myself enough to accept where I am today, and to do better each day. 

I believe I have more than five years left on this earth in me at this point. But only if I choose to take care of myself. So, I am choosing me. Today. And tomorrow. And every day past that, one day at a time.

If you’re in great health, congratulations! Celebrate your body! Share what you’ve learned works best for you. If you are not where you’d like to be, feel free to join me in choosing self one day at a time. Share your struggles, questions, successes, and everything in between.

Please note, I am not into body shaming or anything of the sort. I believe in health. That looks different on every body. Some of the healthiest looking bodies are the most sick. Some bodies that don’t necessarily look so healthy, are. There’s a lot more to it than what meets the eye.

I believe that we are all connected. By assisting, elevating, caring, and encouraging each other we are helping all of humanity, as well as ourselves. I’d love for you to join me in this journey.