Assessing “Value” When Dating

I’ve been privy to several conversations regarding dating and putting a value on prospects, along with a lot of people talking about such things on social media, podcasts, etc. One of the more recent popular terms is a “high value” person. I enjoy these conversations, as they give me insight into others’ perspectives and I get to delve deeper into my own thoughts, values, and opinions surrounding the subject.

One of the common debates I hear is whether or not a man would be willing to pay for “it” or not. The common rebuttal is that you pay for it one way or another. I subscribe to the latter belief. You pay for every relationship you have with time, if not more.

If you break it down that way, you assess how much you are willing to invest in that particular relationship with your time and other resources. Dates cost money. Outings cost money. Cohabitating costs money. 

Everything we do in modern times costs something, if not merely time. That is not to diminish the true cost or value of time, as that is the one resource that we can never retrieve or create more of.

A couple of weeks ago a man I’m close to shared his perspective with me, and it stuck, so I’m sharing it with you.

He explained that he doesn’t really like terms like “sugar daddy” because every woman (aka partner) is going to cost you. Every potential partner will have their own standards of what they’re willing to accept and what they demand and expect.

So, you have to look at your budget and shop in your price range.

That sounds like a harsh breakdown, but it’s really not when you get down to the nitty gritty of it. Think of everything you desire in a potential partner and your lifestyle, and how that works together.

For example, I enjoy live entertainment and travel, which can get expensive. I don’t want to skimp on that. I don’t mind footing the bill for some of it, but I don’t want to take care of a grown man. (Please note, I’m not talking about hard times, where you pick up the slack for your partner. I’m talking about a general everyday occurrence.)

Therefore, I’m not interested in entertaining a suitor who isn’t financially comfortable on his own and able to take part in some of the things I enjoy. I have grown sons, whom I don’t take care of financially, therefore why would I entertain doing so for another man?

Side note – I also have a hang up about age. I’m typically interested in men around my age, older, or slightly younger. So at this point in life I believe a man should have himself in a certain position. I do understand setbacks, as I’ve had my fair share. However there should be some sort of progress, plan, or something that makes sense. Otherwise, how are you even trying to date?

I’m also not a woman who is seeking to be taken care of. I am doing a great job of that on my own. If I were to entertain seriously dating anyone, he would have to at least match me on that. If we’re both financially independent with some extras, we can treat each other.

While finances do play a role in my considerations, it’s not the only thing. I look at the time afforded to me and the relationship, the stability, respect, values, honesty, communication, chemistry, etc. Skimping on any of those things would deem the cost too high for me at this point.

At the same time, I look at what I bring with me. I strive to be a better woman daily, but I’m not for everyone. For example, a man who wants to create children would not deem me a “high value woman” because I cannot bear children.  For someone wanting a partner in life, travel, adventure, etc., I would be considered high value.

All of this leads me back to the theory of dating within your price range or budget. That makes sense to me. A younger, less secure version of myself would have probably been offended by that analogy. Logically, though, it makes sense.

If you’re looking for a new car, you might window shop and daydream about a fully loaded Tesla, but you wouldn’t waste your time (or the sales team) at the dealership when you know you can only afford a used, entry level vehicle.

Look at dating the same. It’s okay to window shop and enjoy the view, but make sure you’re buying into a relationship that lines up with your needs and budget. You’ll be happier, and so will the people you entertain.