Severe Lapse of Judgement (SLJ): Part One

Several years ago I met someone through a mutual friend. My friend told me I’d never meet “husband material” through him…and he’s right.

When I met this guy, we’ll call him SLJ (Severe Lapse of Judgment), I was in an interesting head space. I wasn’t seeing or talking to anyone. I had actually taken a break from dealing with men in any kind of intimate way for a while, and I thought he might serve a certain purpose.

We had great banter and he was funny. That seemed to be enough at the moment, especially since I was more interested in a purely physical interaction. We hung out a few times and the physical interaction met my criteria.

We immediately fell into a routine of spending 3 or more nights together. He soon realized I wasn’t asking him who was calling his phone, where he was, who he was with, or any of the questions that he was used to.

Even though the purpose of our interactions was to satisfy certain physical desires, we started talking openly. Getting to know each other. He wasn’t someone I would have ever considered actually dating or being with. However, thoughts about how nice it would be to have a partner for going out with friends might be nice instead of always being the third or fifth wheel so to speak.

A few weeks in, he made a comment about how refreshing it was to be comfortable with me and not be hounded with questions like all the other girls he had ever talked to. I very clearly reiterated my position.

“We are not committed to each other. I’m not asking you who you’re with or what you’re doing, and you don’t have the right to ask me those questions.”

In reality, I wasn’t seeing or talking to anyone else. But he didn’t need to know that, per our arrangement. That comment sunk in, though. He didn’t like the thought of me interacting with anyone else, so he started talking about how he wanted me to be “his” girl.

I told him that came with an entirely different responsibility level. After a few days of going back and forth, I reluctantly agreed to a “committed” situation. Then he quit showing up when he said he would. He would disappear for hours or a day at a time.

I became erratic and frustrated. We had a good situation that was clearly working for both of us, yet he wanted “more.” Just at that time my Kryptonite circled back into my life. He called, wanting to see me. I told him I wasn’t able to since I was caught up in something.

The following day, I told SLJ we should go back to the way it was before. No commitment. I actually saw him more and we argued less. He reluctantly agreed.

I continued seeing him and somewhat playing a girlfriend role, even though I would occasionally see Kryptonite as well. 

The whole time, this situation provided a lot of entertainment for my friend. He encouraged the madness and even suggested that I was in love with SLJ at one point.

I won’t lie, I made some uncharacteristically bad decisions during those dealings, ending up in places and with people I’d never normally be. It felt like I was watching the most ridiculous, ghetto spoofs I’d ever seen.

During this very short four month period of my life, I made some decisions that were morally and maybe even legally questionable. My closest friends just kept asking me what the hell I was thinking.

This interaction actually inspired a chapter in The Rideshare Chronicles about a confusing and awful dating situation.

I’ll share more of this ridiculousness in part two, as it still makes me shake my head that I actually participated in this.