Hopelessly Optimistic

Things in the romantical escapades section have gotten rather dark, gloomy, and heavy with the last few entries, so I figured we’d take a little break from that. Hopelessly Optimistic is a bit lighter, though still not optimal. (Hopefully you’re laughing with me, and not at me lol.)

This name came about more because of my hopeless optimism…in the beginning of this situation. My close friend would ask me where I was at with the situation before we dove into the conversation about him each time the subject came up. I typically said cautiously hopeful. He deemed that I was actually Hopelessly Optimistic. Let me break it down in a way that most of you can probably relate to…

Have you ever started talking to someone you had a little crush on? Suddenly you’re talking or texting every day. You get along great, already know you have some stuff in common, and discover more every day.

Every time the phone dings and it’s that person you smile a little? Or giggle, depending on the message. That’s how this one started. I had already been familiar with him for about four or five years. I even told a close friend I had a little crush on him at one point.

She looked at me like I was crazy. He’s far from my “usual type” and she just never would have put us together like that. We share a passion for something that’s huge in my life and have many of the same associates. Our city isn’t huge, yet he works a few minutes away from my house.

We had conversations over the years, commented and liked each others’ posts, but never got really personal. All the sudden he was messaging me and it just felt…right. He was incredibly supportive of my author journey and encouraging about a few other directions I was working on at the time.

I thought we were aligned with our desires for our health, finances, and other life goals. He got my humor and we would send memes back and forth. (If I haven’t already shared, I frequently communicate with sarcasm, memes, and song lyrics.)

It really seemed like maybe I was onto something with this one. I started talking about him and our interactions with my two closest friends. I was giddy and excited…and hopelessly optimistic.

My closest male friend began asking me what made this one different. I spouted off all the reasons I thought he was. My friend pointed out that I had said the same things about the other guys I had developed crushes on and talked about. That didn’t deter me. I was on a mission to prove him wrong and I wouldn’t let anyone burst my happy little bubble.

We finally made plans to hang out – just the two of us. We went to dinner at a local spot. It was casual. Nothing serious. But he did pay, and was the perfect gentleman. We laughed. We ate. We talked. We actually sat there for a couple of hours.

I was on cloud nine. I told my friend about the evening. I wasn’t sure if it qualified as an actual date, but it was nice.

We continued to talk. I was honest with him and told him I had a crush on him for some time. He let me know he enjoyed talking to me as well. He was attracted to me. (That’s always a plus, right?)

Over the next several days we kept talking…but he never mentioned getting together again. I realized by that time that he moved kind of slow on things. He was methodical in the way he thought things through. I was working on my patience, so I went with it.

We talked about meeting up again…but it never really went anywhere. Three months after our dinner together, I was starting to lose hope. I thought maybe I misread the situation. Or maybe I was just far more into him than he was into me.

After dissecting this quite a bit, I’ve come to the conclusion that he more than likely had someone else he liked a little (or a lot) better, and I just filled the gap when she wasn’t giving him attention. Or, he’s just awkward and slow.

Either way, my friend joked that we’d have our second date about six months later…and right on time, we had dinner again nine months after the first time. I definitely wouldn’t call it a date though. We met up because I was purchasing something from him. I talked to him like any other time, but I wasn’t hopeful anymore.

As a matter of fact, I beat myself up for a little while for reading the signals wrong, and sharing some private pictures with him. (They weren’t super exposed, but still on the sexy side of things.) I opened up to him quite a bit. I shared a lot. It stung when I realized he wasn’t even retaining a lot of details I shared. But he could describe the photos in detail.

I definitely no longer have a crush on him. In fact, I don’t have a lot to say to him. I’m just disappointed that I let it drag on so long and shared as much as I did. I’m a little more choosy now. Or at least I hope I am. Here I go with that hopeless optimism.