Body Image

There’s a lot of body positivity posts, messages, and even advertising campaigns that have been heavily circulated recently. It’s a topic of conversation among my friends, and hopefully yours as well. That doesn’t mean to take satisfaction in being unhealthy, but be okay in your own skin.

From a very young age, women are bombarded with images from television, magazines, music, and every other sort of information. We’re told we’re too big, too small, too tall, too short, too curvy, too boxy, too pale, too dark, etc. It’s truly exhausting. And it certainly doesn’t stop there. We’re verbally insulted and pulled every which way by our peers, parents, advisors, etc.

While I can’t speak for everyone, I can share some of my own experiences. I have always been on the bigger side in comparison to other girls. By bigger, I mean I have curves. My hips are wide. My thighs and breasts are on the larger side. 

I never embraced those curves. I hated them. I thought I was fat. The boys at school called me fat. I got attention from some older men, but that didn’t stop the onslaught of teasing that came from the kids at school. I remember in a high school fashion merchandising class the teacher classified me as having an hourglass shape. I thought I was more pear-shaped.

Looking back, I appreciate my curves. I see pictures of me from that time period and think I might have been too thin for my body type. While I was much smaller in size than I am now, I still wasn’t at my healthiest. I hardly ate. I worked out and played sports and didn’t sleep. But I was still always trying the latest fad diets. I hated my body.

Then I went from being an active high school student to a stay at home mom. I gained weight. I didn’t mind too much at first. I began wearing baggier clothes, especially sweats and oversized t-shirts. That also helped keep attention off of me, which helped my relationship, though that’s a topic for another time.

I looked up one day and realized I had literally doubled in weight. I went from 145 pounds to 290 pounds. That number terrified me. It was so close to 300 pounds, and I felt like that would be the point of no return for me. I couldn’t fathom that. I did lose some weight rather quickly, but seemed to hover between 230 and 260 pounds for most of the last 15 years.

That number isn’t as important to me now. However, my health is. I do realize that I am larger than is healthy for me. A few years ago, as I’ve shared before, I did change my diet completely and focused on becoming my healthiest self. I was probably healthier than I had ever been, which did result in some of the weight coming off. I felt great when I got down to about 202. (Then I started eating simple carbs again…and well, that’s a story for another time.)

I know I’m not my healthiest right now. I’m honestly struggling because I know I’m not making the best choices for me and my body. I get frustrated when certain clothes don’t fit, or when they don’t look the way I want them too. Or when I notice the extra flesh under my chin. I could go on and on about this… but that’s not the point of writing this.

The point of writing this is that I am working to love myself in whatever shape I’m in. Could it be better? Yes, of course. Could it be worse? Yes, it could. However all of that is irrelevant, because what I have right now is exactly as I am, RIGHT NOW!

I’m working on finding something to appreciate and love about my body every day. I didn’t even realize how badly I talk about myself and my body until recently, because one of my friends points it out all the time. Between that and some of the passages I’ve come across, it makes sense to stop and love myself just the way I am.

How can I preach that to others when I’m not doing it? I’d like to encourage you to do the same. By the way, body image isn’t secluded to just women. Some men struggle with it as well. Instead of focusing on that, can we focus on loving ourselves and working to be healthy together?

To seal the deal, I’m choosing pictures for this post that I wouldn’t normally post. I don’t think they’re the most flattering angles (which I joke about my angles all the time). Instead of being insecure or critiquing the pictures, I’m just going to share and focus on finding things I love about my body instead. I hope you’ll join me and do the same with your own photos that aren’t your favorites.