My Little Man

I remember the day I met my oldest son very clearly. I’m sure most moms do remember those days. I wasn’t blessed to have him traditionally, but I am beyond blessed that the universe saw to it that we found each other anyway.

I was 18 and had just moved in with my boyfriend. A few days later, one of his children came to “visit.” This visit turned into a permanent situation (with his brother following a couple of weeks later). He was only two years old.

We established our relationship pretty quickly, though I’m not even going to pretend there weren’t some bumps in the road. We went through one episode of “You’re not my mom.” Only one. I think it was because he was told to turn the video games off. I told him that’s fine, he’s welcome to call me Amy, but he must choose because I refuse to do the back and forth when he’s mad at me, and either way he will respect me and the rules set forth in my home. He went with mom, and my heart melted all over again.

He was the first tiny human to call me mom. Thinking about some of the crazy things he did always brings a smile to my face. Thinking about his huge heart always brings calm and peace to my soul.

It has been an absolute pleasure watching him grow into the young man he is today. He was my little man, but now he has become his own grown man. He stepped into being the “man of the house” after his father and I separated when he was a sophomore in high school and barely 16. He displayed more maturity, grace, and understanding than I would have ever imagined.

He was actually upset with me for years because of the transformation he watched in me. He told me, “You’re never supposed to let someone control you or change you.” I explained that I would go through everything I went through and so much more to end up where I am, with him and his brother. They really gave me purpose and motivation and understanding and patience…and all the things children bring to us.

They have always been my sons, despite not sharing DNA. I had to explain the difference between a biological mom and other moms when they were younger. I also explained that most kids only get one mom, but they were special. You leave the belly (aka the bio mom), but you never leave the heart (aka the “real” mom ~ by their terms). That was the best way I could think of to answer their questions at barely 5 and 3 years old, after they were told I wasn’t their “real” mom.

Watching him grow into the man he is today is one of my greatest joys. The changes I got to see in him when he came home from bootcamp just in time to start his senior year of high school as a Nevada National Guard soldier are indescribable.

A couple of years ago he met a beautiful young lady and courted her. Last summer I got to watch him marry his love, and gained an amazing daughter. His growth this year seems to surpass the prior 23 years in a profound way.

It’s not easy realizing that my little man is no longer my little boy. I mean, I knew it would happen one day. I guess I just didn’t realize how it would really look. Watching him set up his own household with his wife was fun. I feel pride, and sorrow, if I’m being completely honest.

I don’t get to see him every day anymore. I don’t hear from him every day. Sometimes not even every week (and he lives five minutes away). His journey isn’t anywhere near over though. He is now in the Navy and is getting ready to head off for training for his new position. After that, he won’t be coming “home.” He’ll be going to his new home, wherever that may be.

It’s really a strange feeling to realize that he won’t be down the street, or even in the same state. He may not even be in the same country. Since the day I met my son, I haven’t spent more than a couple of months apart from him (for boot camp and job training for the Army). I’m not sure how this looks. I just hope he still wants to talk to me and share about his life.

I thought being a teenager was hard. I’m realizing that being a parent, and having to “let go” of your baby is so much harder. Even at 25 years old.

I love you son, and I am beyond proud of you. Even when I don’t think you’re making the best decisions, I’m still proud of you for making your own decisions. Please take care of yourself, your wife, your household, and thank you for serving our country. Just like I told you more than twenty years ago, you may leave “home,” but you’ll never leave my heart. Even when my physical being is gone from this earth, I will always be with you in love if you allow it.