Self-Care

I used to feel guilty when I treated myself to special things, like cute socks, clothes, shoes, a night out, or whatever. Especially when it cost money and I knew I had the responsibility of providing for my children.

As I matured, did some self-work, and started really thinking about life from different perspectives, I realized that self-care is NOT selfish. As long as our bills were paid and they had everything they needed (and a lot of what they wanted), it was more than okay for me to spend money (and time) on me.

Taking care of myself proved to be the best thing I could do for all of us. When I gave myself time and pampered myself a bit, I was a better mom. I was a better person. Taking care of oneself is necessary for your health – mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and every other way you can think of. (Okay, financially it can come at a cost, but will end up coming back to you on the backend because people who are rested, rejuvenated, and happy are more productive.)

You know the old cliche saying, “You can’t poor from an empty cup”? It’s so true! A stressed out, burned out mom is so much more likely to perform poorly at work, have less patience, snap at her children, not be fully present, and just not be happy in general. This isn’t just for moms, but for people in general.

Self-care is self-love. Loving myself wholly (or at least getting there) allows me to show up better for my kids, family, friends, and the world in general. I didn’t even realize that was what I was doing at first.

Taking care of myself with showers, smelling good, eating right, and exercising made me feel better all the way around. I didn’t really see that as selfish, other than the time I spent in the shower. (It can be excessive because that is one of my happy places.)

I was okay with all of those things. But for some reason, I had a mental block around spending money on myself if I couldn’t justify it being for the betterment of the household. It started really small for me. Actually, with socks. I’ve shared that before. And shoes. I have always loved shoes. That’s one of my guilty pleasures.

The first big purchase I made for myself, and only for myself, was my first motorcycle. I knew I wanted it. Even needed it in a way. I had already spent some extra money on the boys and they really didn’t even want anything else.

So, I made a huge leap and gifted myself with something I had wanted since I was a little girl. Ironically, it was the week of Valentine’s Day. I gave myself a Suzuki GSX-R 750.

Don’t get me wrong, I carried guilt for years for spending that much money on myself, especially when the boys weren’t grown yet. I bought the bike solely because I wanted it.

The pleasure I have gotten out of that purchase is truly indescribable. It became my main source of transportation for years (which worked out so the boys could use my car), was a stress relief, and was a pure pleasure. I felt more alive and free riding that bike than I ever had in my life.

Since then, I have purchased two more motorcycles and no longer feel guilty about the money I spend on them. Granted, my boys are grown and I am no longer financially responsible for any other human or living creatures, but I still don’t feel guilty or question myself or what else I could have spent that money on. I simply enjoy it.

There are several smaller, less expensive things I treat myself to, as well. I treat myself to shows, concerts, travel adventures, paint nights, massages, etc. A day in the park is a treat. A swim. It doesn’t have to cost money. It’s the time and effort and I am pouring into myself.

Sometimes it’s a coffee date with a friend. Sometimes it’s a quiet walk by myself. Or time to watch a movie. Daydreaming while listening to music. Reading a new book. Re-reading an old book. A new adventure. Pizza with the kids. Basically, anything I enjoy.

Since I have let go of the guilt and simply appreciate being able to (and choosing to) take care of myself in these ways, I am setting a better example for the kids. They know how to take care of themselves, and they aren’t afraid to say no to others when it doesn’t align with them. 

As a matter of fact, everyone around me treats me better. We really do teach others how to treat us. We could get into a lot on that topic, but I’ll save that for another time.

Treating yourself to the things you love and enjoy – big and small – is necessary to your well-being. I’m not suggesting that anyone spends money on things like this that will take away from feeding yourself or paying your regular bills, but I would suggest making treating yourself a monthly priority in every way. 

When you take better care of you, you show up better for everyone else. The world needs you at your best. And you deserve to be at your best.